And no, we aren’t getting a divorce. Not even close. It also has very little to do with Sawyer.
Mr. Hipster and I rarely slept in the same bed well before our son came along. When we first moved in together, he would lay with me until I fell asleep and then he would sneak out and sleep in the guest room when I was thoroughly passed out. Eventually, he just stopped waiting until I fell asleep and we’d go off to our designated sleeping spaces. Or he’d pass out on the couch listening to records and stay there until morning.
Sawyer has always slept in bed with me, and that again, has nothing to do with Mr. Hipster not being there. He prefers his sleeping arrangement the way it has always been, and I don’t mind it either. Why change it?
This is typically when I get questions/comments like, “But your marriage is going to fall apart! Don’t you care about intimacy?” “You are putting your child before your marriage!” “How do you have sex!?!”
Our marriage is fine, thank you. We get along very well. We just don’t like sleeping in the same bed. We never have.
As I mentioned before, this arrangement began long before Sawyer ever existed, so again, not an issue.
As for sex/intimacy, why does that have to be at night? Why does it have to be in our bed? Or in a bed at all? By bedtime I am way too exhausted to be doing anything other than watching old episodes of Parks and Rec and falling asleep. You can have sex when the sun is out, people!!!! And sleeping next to someone doesn’t necessarily equal intimacy. Especially if one or both of you hates it. We make time for each other in other ways that are much more fulfilling to us as a couple. This is what works for us. I don’t expect it to be the right answer for anyone else.
So, why do two people who are very much in love hate sleeping in bed together?
- We like very different sleeping environments and keep completely different schedules.
- I am a night owl. I hate the morning, I like to sleep in, and I burn the midnight oil. I don’t go to bed before midnight 99% of the time. Mr. Hipster gets up early (around 5am) and goes to bed fairly early as well.
- I love to snuggle in my sleep (I have always slept with a sibling, pet, or array of body pillows), and Mr. Hipster can’t stand being touched while he slumbers.
- I like the bedroom cool with the window open (even in winter- just a crack!) and a fan going. I need the circulating air and the soothing sounds. Mr. Hipster needs it hot, perfectly quiet, and stagnant. It’s like sleeping in a coffin. Sometimes he’ll even sleep in a hat and gloves.
- Mr. Hipster sweats so much it’s like sleeping next to a leaky water heater. Also, his sweat bleaches things. My beautiful celery colored bamboo sheets have a neon yellow Mr. Hipster-shaped stain on them thanks to that.
- I usually like to read or watch a TV show before bed. Mr. Hipster hates that. More than anything. He needs complete darkness and silence. Like a vampire.
- He snores. LOUD.
Luckily for me, Sawyer keeps the same schedule I do and LOOOOOOOVES cuddling! So, he and I sleep together most nights. He typically starts out on my floor and then comes in bed with me when he wakes up in the middle of the night to use the potty. Sometimes, he starts in his ACTUAL bed (it’s a red race car bed, and it’s where Mr. Hipsters sleeps most nights) and then comes in with me. I love having a little person to snuggle who actually ENJOYS it.
Typically, on the weekends, we sleep in bed together as a family. We read stories or watch a movie together and drift off into a sweet slumber as we giggle and snuggle. It’s the thing I look forward to most- all of us together- as it happens so rarely these days. In those moments, we put our sleeping differences aside and come together for as long as we can tolerate the others’ sleeping quirks.
What are the sleeping arrangements like in your home?
The post My Husband and I Sleep In Separate Bedrooms appeared first on The Hipster Homemaker.
