Really. I’m not joking. Yes, I gave birth to all 9+ pounds of him, but as he gets older and older, I’m truly beginning to believe that he might not actually be human. I have come up with 3 possible answers: 1) He’s a robot. 2) He’s superhuman. 3) Someone has been sneaking him meth when I’m not looking.
So, why do I think that he might be a robot? BECAUSE HE NEVER FUCKING SLEEPS. EVER.
You see this face? Don’t let the extreme cuteness fool you. This is the face of NOT SLEEPING.
I’m not joking. He’s never slept for more than 3 hours at a time (once or twice for 4 or 5 hours) in his entire 2.33 years of existence. He doesn’t got to bed until 11pm or later, is up by 7 or 8am, and almost never naps for more than an hour. The upside here is that he typically isn’t fussy. He never has been a big crier, and he is generally an exceptionally happy, well behaved little boy. Even when he’s up into the wee hours, he’s generally very jovial, and easy to care for. He’s just never tired. He will straight up tell you, “I never sleep. I’m never tired!” The amount of energy he possesses would astound you. You’d think that I was mainlining espresso and then nursing him.
This is not a call for advice or judgement. I’ve tried everything imaginable to try to get him to sleep. Yes, we have a very consistent bedtime routine. Yes, he has been checked for underlying medical issues. Yes, I have cut things from our diets to see if that would help. Yes, I’ve tried putting him in his own bed. Yes, I’ve tried night weaning him. NOTHING WORKS. I’m telling you, this kid is superhuman!
Speaking of night weaning, I’ve been trying to do so for months on end, with absolutely no success. Since Kevin has been on break, we were being more aggressive with the night weaning. Until we were on our 3rd consecutive day with literally NO SLEEP. I’m talking not a wink. Sawyer is the product of two incredibly stubborn people, and the result is a child who will not give in. Like I said, he’s normally very happy, but this situation was the exception. He was screaming for hours on end, completely inconsolable, because I refused to nurse him until the sun came up. Finally, at 6am, after 6 HOURS OF SCREAMING, he got in my face, and yelled, “I’ll teach you. I’ll teach you, Mommy. I won’t sleep. I won’t sleep ever again until you give me na-nas.” And he meant it. He didn’t sleep until the sun came up, and I nursed him, as per our agreement. This was the first time in my life I could say that I was afraid of a toddler. I knew in that moment that he was more determined than I was. He wasn’t going to budge until I caved, and that was that. After 72 hours of no sleep, I have no idea how he did it. I think he’s smarter than me already.
So, that’s the story. My wonderful little boy never sleeps. I’m tired constantly, but it’s been good training for my doula work, as I am often awake for days on end with little to no rest. If you see me tweeting or facebook-ing into the wee hours, now you know why. Because my kid is still up making me pretend soup or slaying dragons.
I figure, I have 2 options: 1) is to just go with it and enjoy our late night giggles and cuddles, as I am a night owl myself. 2) Somehow bottle his maniacal energy and sell it to cocaine addicts.
